Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
