Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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