they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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