It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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