I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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