Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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