We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
