New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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