Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
