I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
