Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
