DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
