i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize