Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
