I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
