I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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