The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
