Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
another moral hangover. fuck.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize