Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
