Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
