Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize