I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
