Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I still have a little drunk in my system
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
