i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
