you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
