she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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