Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize