and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
