I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
