You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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