maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize