Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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