I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
