I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
