Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
