Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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