I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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