I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
