Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
