he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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