I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
