My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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