I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
