Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
