So gin and wine won't be happening again
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
