Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
