HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
