This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
