I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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