I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
