batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
