so let's talk penis.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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