Are we in a gay sports bar?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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