Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
