it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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