his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize