Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
