I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
