bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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