I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
