So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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