the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
