tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
