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Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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