It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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