Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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