He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
