ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
